Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
