hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
love makes seman taste better
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
