toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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