Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My life is pants optional.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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