god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
