So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
