whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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