you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
