took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
