A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
