OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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