i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
