the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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