I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
