Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
