If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
