Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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