I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize