You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
