You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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