if you like me you must not know who I am
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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