There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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