All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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