duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
