Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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