you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize