my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
