there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
