Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
