You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
