Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
