Small penises have feelings too.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
