I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
