pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
