I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
