You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
