How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
