She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
