I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I pour the whiskey from now on
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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