Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
