I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
