Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
