You surviving the open bar?
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I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
