He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
