I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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