I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
