Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
