your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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