Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you traded sex for a burrito?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
