I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
