Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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