i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
