I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize