It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
