And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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