I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
