we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
