just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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