I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
