He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
