Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
