Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
