and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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