I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
