but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
worst night to have a conscience
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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