I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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