he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
