I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
