the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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