Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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