My room smells like vodka and shame
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
