I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have feelings that need drinking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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