Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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